Feb
20
Linda asked:
I am about to marry the love of my life in the state of Alabama. He has a 5 year old son from a fling, was never married to the mother. The bio mother’s mom (his son’s grandmother) adopted the baby because the bio mom was only a young teen. The grandmother asked my fiance to remain out of the picture and let her and her husband raise the baby. He has no contact with them, has not heard from them in years, and pays no child support. He is completely willing to pay support and be in the child’s life if that’s what the grandmother and mother ever decide they want, but it has not happened yet. I am worried that when I marry him, they are entitled to my assets. I am in the last semester of my Ph.D., and will make significantly more money than him. We have decided that when we start a family, he will be a stay at home dad and my job will provide our only income. If his other family (son, bio mom, and grandmother) decided to ask for child support, will my income influence the payments? Will the payments be high because my fiance’s cost of living is so low due to me being the sole bread-winner? Can a pre-nup protect me from being at all financially responsible to this child?
I am only 25, and do not feel like I should have to support a child that is not mine anytime soon, and my fiance agrees. He says he will find a way to pay whatever the payments are and he wants to be in his son’s life if that’s what the other side wants, but I am worried the payments will be too high due to my income being a factor.
I apologize to the people I am offending, I don’t mean to sound like I am shallow or don’t care about this child. I would love to take him into OUR home and take care of him. What I don’t want is to write a check every month. I would be perfectly happy with joint custody.. completely 50%, but I’m not about to give my hard earned money to the mother/grandmother. Sorry.
He isn’t choosing to sit at home all day doing nothing. He is choosing to make a home.. you know, like women have prided themselves on doing for hundreds of years. It is an incredibly hard, demanding, and respectable job. I feel so blessed to have a partner who isn’t too prideful to do such a thing, and who would be great at it- better than me! Please don’t stereotype him, it’s actually admirable. By the way, he has worked his butt off putting me through college, and has a bachelor’s degree of his own. He plans to home school our children, as well. He’s an amazing man.
He signed no adoption papers, just the mother. He is absent per their request, not legally.
Wes
I am about to marry the love of my life in the state of Alabama. He has a 5 year old son from a fling, was never married to the mother. The bio mother’s mom (his son’s grandmother) adopted the baby because the bio mom was only a young teen. The grandmother asked my fiance to remain out of the picture and let her and her husband raise the baby. He has no contact with them, has not heard from them in years, and pays no child support. He is completely willing to pay support and be in the child’s life if that’s what the grandmother and mother ever decide they want, but it has not happened yet. I am worried that when I marry him, they are entitled to my assets. I am in the last semester of my Ph.D., and will make significantly more money than him. We have decided that when we start a family, he will be a stay at home dad and my job will provide our only income. If his other family (son, bio mom, and grandmother) decided to ask for child support, will my income influence the payments? Will the payments be high because my fiance’s cost of living is so low due to me being the sole bread-winner? Can a pre-nup protect me from being at all financially responsible to this child?
I am only 25, and do not feel like I should have to support a child that is not mine anytime soon, and my fiance agrees. He says he will find a way to pay whatever the payments are and he wants to be in his son’s life if that’s what the other side wants, but I am worried the payments will be too high due to my income being a factor.
I apologize to the people I am offending, I don’t mean to sound like I am shallow or don’t care about this child. I would love to take him into OUR home and take care of him. What I don’t want is to write a check every month. I would be perfectly happy with joint custody.. completely 50%, but I’m not about to give my hard earned money to the mother/grandmother. Sorry.
He isn’t choosing to sit at home all day doing nothing. He is choosing to make a home.. you know, like women have prided themselves on doing for hundreds of years. It is an incredibly hard, demanding, and respectable job. I feel so blessed to have a partner who isn’t too prideful to do such a thing, and who would be great at it- better than me! Please don’t stereotype him, it’s actually admirable. By the way, he has worked his butt off putting me through college, and has a bachelor’s degree of his own. He plans to home school our children, as well. He’s an amazing man.
He signed no adoption papers, just the mother. He is absent per their request, not legally.
Wes
Comments
10 Responses to “Legal obligations to step children after marriage to my fiance?”
Sergio
You either love him or not, if so you have to love his child too and except them as one day likely going to be in his life. You won’t be held responsible but he will and if you file jointly on an income tax refund and the money is mostly yours they will take it if he owed back child support.
Ardell
If the grandparents have legally adopted the child, the father has no legal obligation to pay child support EVER.
As to whether your income can be used as a factor, yes, despite what many people believe.
I would seek the advice of a lawyer and find out whether the child is legally adopted or not. Voluntary payments would likely be the only issue otherwise.
Carol
Go to. They let you ask legal questions, and an attorney from your state will post an answer to your question.
Ramon
Legally, you are not responsible for any child, that is not yours..if the child is not in the father’s life, that is a sad thing..if child support was order for the father, it would based on his income..
Freida
This is an interesting one, but not uncommon. In the case where a grandparent (but not both grandparents) adopts legally, your fiancee can still be responsible for child support under certain narrow circumstances
Unfortunately, there is no easy answer, at least in the US.
Your prospective husband’s family has no claim on your assets. The child, however, has claim on your husband. If you prevent your husband from joint tenancy of shared assets, he is still liable for child support, and he would still have to pay, based on the decision of a court.
This is a two-way street. When your fiancee becomes fiscally responsible for the child, he will have the opportunity to become part of that child’s life; in other words, in order to keep your fiancee out of the child’s life, the ex can not sue. Once she contacts a court, your fiancee will have a reasonable expectation of visitation and shared custody. If she doesn’t want him in the picture, she can’t go to a court.
Now, if you had an airtight prenuptial agreement and made fiscal arrangements to prevent your husband from sharing in community property in your marriage, he would be vulnerable in a divorce situation;that is, if you divorced with an ironclad prenup that protected you from his ex, he would also be left penniless, and this situation would require payment of alimony to him, as he had sacrificed career development and Social security investment for child rearing; the laws designed to prevent housewives from going homeless would murder your net worth.
Consult a lawyer if you like.
Teisha
Talk to a lawyer. If he hasn’t signed away parental rights he may need to pay child support in the future. The biological mother could get jealous if she knows about your marriage. If the biological mother (or grandmother) ever need money child support could be requested.
Dawna
1. you personally have no *legal* obligations to this child. regardless of whether you are married to the father.
2. if the grandparents have legally adopted the child then neither he NOR the bio-mom has any legal obligations or rights towards this child and no one will be able to come back to him and slap him w/ child support later because he is no longer the legal father and he no longer has rights or responsibilities towards the child.
3. child support is only figured on the parent’s income NOT the step parent’s income. however the parent’s financial obligations towards the child will impact what s/he is able to contribute to his/her marriage.
if the parent has no income then he/she will be ordered to pay the state’s minimum in child support.
but as I’ve said, if the grandparents have legally adopted the child then this should not be a worry of yours. It’s the same as if strangers adopted the child. The adoptive parents are not allowed to go after the bioparents for child support.
4. a prenup will not protect you because there is nothing to protect. you are not the bioparent and what you make is not taken into consideration when child support is figured. Also, the child has been adopted by someone else. Adoptive parents are not allowed to demand child support from the bioparents even when the adoptive parents are relatives.
5. as the child has been adopted by someone else, it’s probably too late for him to be a part of the child’s life and he may have to wait until the child is an adult and comes looking for him.
the child has been adopted by someone else and he no longer has any obligations or *rights* to the child. He lost those when he agreed to the adoption.
however: if he did not agree to the adoption then he can take the grandparents to court and demand that he have visitation which will open him up to child support payments. If that happens then him being the stay at home parent may not be an option. He may have to work to pay his child support.
if this is the case and this is a real concern for you or if you really just do not want this child as a part of your life regardless of any financial obligations then you need to be honest about that w/ him and yourself and discuss this further before you marry.
Good luck.
edit:
I do like the suggestion of talking to a lawyer. I think that will go a long way to either easing your fears or changing your mind about marrying him.
Evalyn
Why in heavens name are you marrying some guy who plans on sitting home watching oprah all his life while you put the bread on the table? Don’t you have higher expectations for a husband? Plus he has a child you may very well end up supporting, there is no way this dude is going to come up with money suddenly. What kind of man let the boy go 5 years with no fatherly support. Can’t you see beyond ‘love’ his character?
No matter what papers you sign or what promises he makes the judge can rule against him, and award her quite a settlement. Yes they will of course take your salary into account, i even heard of a judge forcing a step parent to pay 18 yrs for a non bio child. Be sure that he works, no man worth his salt wants to be a kept man.
Johnathan
If the grandparents have a legal adoption then the father (your fiance) would have had to sign away all parental rights, including child support so you needn’t worry your pretty tiny, shallow, little mind about your fiancie’s biological child ever getting hold of any assets unless your fiance decides to include his son in HIS will when he passes.
Bibi
First off a lot of things your saying does not make any sense. He is not your step child if he doesn’t reside wit you and his bio father. If the grandparents legally adopted the child, he is solely their responsibility. You and the father are no longer obligated to the child at all. Allowing the grandparents to adopt the child means that the father gave up his parental rights. As far as you making significantly more money than him is not the issue, he should not be allowed to sit home and be Mr. Mom, while you work. What child or children is he going to be sitting home taking care of? Do you have children already? You aren’t even married yet? Your fiance should have a job and an income just to keep his hand in at being a man, it doesn’t matter how much money you make or how little he makes, at least it is a contribution to the household even if it is only used as mad money. I would suggest you get a prenuptial agreement in any case, from your arrangement as you describe it, it will come in handy in a few years down the road, trust me I have seen this before. The princess and the pauper. If down the road your relationship goes sour you will be paying his bills, so you’ll be single and splitting your pay with the loafer. A prenuptial says what he comes in with he leaves with, and the same for you. If you buy a house, should he get half? If you have two cars should you have to give him one? You make more money than him so should you have to supplement his income the rest of his life? Why? You need a partner? You may be getting a PHD but you sure aren’t the brightest bulb on the tree. There has to be more to the story if the grandparents don’t want your fiance in the child’s life or theirs. Have you looked into the issue? Is this guy on the pedophile list, was he sued for statutory rape, if the girl was so young she couldn’t keep the child herself, how old was he, how old was she? Your worrying about all the wrong issues, you can’t be all that naive, it’s a shame with all your education you know little or nothing about life. I could go on explaining but I don’t know if it would sink in. When something doesn’t seem right it usually isn’t. This guy, with all his wrong doing, just found the goose that is laying golden eggs. I’d tell you anything you wanted to hear too, as long as you were supporting me. I’m from Missouri, show me don’t snow me. Hold off on the wedding invitations until you can check out all the sob stories, because I smell a rat, and once your in it it’s to late to say your not responsible. If I invited you over for a swim, would you jump off the diving board without making sure there was water in the pool? Well to me, that’s what you’re doing, and you wrote it plain as the nose on your face. Your just to blind to see. In what state was he in when this baby came along? Bet it wasn’t Alabama. Stop chasing parked cars long enough to at least check it out before you make a big mistake. Do you ever watch Most Wanted on TV? Have you seen where a guy is arrested and his wife and two kids are dumb struck when they find out the guy was wanted by the Feds and they were looking for him for 12 years, but he evaded them by changing his name and his identity and started a new life, but someone saw his picture on the show and turned him in. So don’t say it can’t happen, better safe than sorry.